Sheriff Fatman started out in business
 
as a granny farmer
 
he was infamous for fifteen minutes
 
and he appeared in Panorama
 
Then he somehow got himself on board
 
The Starship Enterprise Allowance Scheme
 
With a Prince of Wales award
 
for pushing valium and amphetamines
 
Now hes moving up onto second base
 
behind Nicholas Van Wotsisface
 
At six foot six and a hundred tons
 
the undisputed king of the slums
 
With more alias than Klaus Barbie
 
the master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
 
Just about to take the stage
 
the one and only
 
hold the front page
 
Fatmans got something to sell
 
to the capitals homeless
 
At The Crossroads Motel
 
for the no-fixed-abodeless
 
Where you can live life in style
 
you can sleep in a closet
 
And if you flash him a smile
 
hell take your teeth as deposit
 
Theres bats in the belfry
 
the windows are jammed
 
The toilets aint healthy
 
and he dont give a damn
 
he just chuckles and smiles
 
and laughs like a madman,
 
a born again Rachman
 
Here comes Sheriff Fatman
 
With his valium, amphetamines
 
his sick notes and his phoney prescriptions
 
And just when you thought it was safe
 
to go back into the kitchen, Dead legs and cracked heads
 
Bunk-beds and breakfasts
 
Wake up you sleepy headcases . . . check this . . .
 
Moving up now to take the place
 
of Nicholas Van Wotsisface
 
At six foot six and a hundred tons
 
the undisputed king of the slums
 
With more alias than Klaus Barbie
 
the master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
 
In a hatchback from Notre Dame,
 
the one and only Sheriff Fatman
 
In goes another left hook
 
and now Im losing my patience
 
Someone call up Roger Cook and The United Nations
 
hes buying up houses for hasbeens (help me)
 
From Lands End to Southend and Chelsea
 
Theres bats in the belfrey
 
the windows are jammed
 
The toilets aint healthy
 
he dont give a damn
 
He just chuckles and smiles
 
and laughs like a madman
 
Ladies and gentlemen,
 
I give you . . .
 
SHERIFF FATMAN!
 
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