Lifeless

Submitted by OXYGEN on 10. October 2010 - 4:09

Hi everyone,
I'd like to think that I have a small amount of people here that are interested (in some way) in the music I create. If anything, I enjoy and invite criticism and feedback because I am constantly growing as an artist. Anyway, I'd like to post a new song I wrote/recorded the other day. It's called 'Lifeless'. Truthfully, I'd really like it for somebody to add to it (drums, guitar maybe?)

anyways, feedback is appreciated. thanks Happy

the song can be downloaded from soundcloud also (320kbps mp3)

http://soundcloud.com/imprints/imprints-lifeless-julies-pain-mix
lifeless

© 2010 imprints/dlbinc

i don't know,

what it is exactly you need.

what am i here for?

by the way,

i will never play the victim for you,

i just want you to know.

i heard you were lost.

i will wait here for you.

we'll live in the past.

i'll be addicted to you.

you know how it goes,

i'll leave the light on for you.

you want me to die?

well, i will die for you.

i believe,

that i was destined for you.

the feather falls down.

all alone,

conversations with the lights all turned low,

i'm beginning to calm down.

you'll do what you want,

it doesn't matter to me.

you're all that i've got,

stay addicted to me.

my time in the cage

you will never be free.

i want you to lie,

will you lie to me?

10. October 2010 - 6:37
#1
outofhere!
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Re: Lifeless

very smooth and relaxing music .

nice piano and nice voice ..

good and only one critic point : this :

we'll live in the past.

the past in not in the right pitch i think ( too high ) , better when u sing the word : past in a little lower pitch .

but anyway good for : hey i drive to the work music..

nice and greets asphyx

ps : u have @ the same date birthday as me.. 18 .10 Happy

Fragmovies and more Arrow Click ME!

AsphyxEvents Website Arrow Click ME!

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10. October 2010 - 8:11
#2
[MR.]FRRR
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Re: Lifeless

i agree with asphyx, we`ll live in the past, need to be more calm Tongue great stuff btw!

forever and one

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10. October 2010 - 9:50
#3
[MRS.]MONA
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Re: Lifeless

I liked it alot. Very nice voice Happy

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10. October 2010 - 14:23
#4
OXYGEN
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Re: Lifeless

Thank you very much for the criticism! it is much appreciated Happy when I re-record the final version of this I will definitely make that softer. Winking

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10. October 2010 - 15:44
#5
shellingjoke
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Re: Lifeless

hey man.
first of all im deeply in to GOOD music. say, nick cave, tom waits, element of crime, bob dylan are the artists im talking about and being used to that i find your lyrics way too simplistic.
i would use a few metaphors, that way the song doesnt show it only is about 1 topic and everybody will think theres a lot more background for you than just wanting to write a love song... plus everybody gets the chance to find his own stories or experiences in your metaphors which will result in a lot more emotional listening.

further i would draw down the pitch a little bit, the echoes go just a little too long IMO

I wanted to put a bullet between the eyes of every penguin that didnt wanna screw to save its species.

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10. October 2010 - 16:09
#6
OXYGEN
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Re: Lifeless

thank you, shelling, for the comments. i can agree about my lyrics, usually what i write isn't so transparent lol. the song is a fake love song about falling in love with somebody who hates you. Truthfully, I find this sort of lyricism cheesy at best, but the women seem to like it Happy My normal style is a bit different. I love Nick Cave and Waits btw.

I actually have 2 versions of this in 2 different keys, I thought the lower key didn't necessarily compliment my vocal style.

And I agree, my effects are a bit excessive Happy
If you've ever listened to anything Devin Townsend has done (Strapping Young Lad, Devin Townsend Project)
you'd see similarity i think.

Again, thanks man.

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10. October 2010 - 18:22
#7
weed <3
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Re: Lifeless

i very dont like it because it sounds gay in my ears...i think its not you but its the whole genre that is shit ;P

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10. October 2010 - 18:40
#8
METEORKID
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Re: Lifeless

Hey i play drums Big grin i cant record anything to add because i dont have enough working drum mics. but i think a simple 8 beat rhythm would go nice with this.

hithat {|@|   |@|   |@|   |@|   |@|   |@|   |@|   |@| }                                 Snare {           |@|          |@|                          }

                          ^One Bar^

This can be elaborated on obviously like adding ride and cymbal bells every two half 8ths or a sixteenth (same thing Big grin) this would add a more calming effect not that it isn't already Tongue. Unfortunately you will have to use drum machine. D:

Edit: Actually add in anther 10th beat or a type of percussion you like would make it better Big grin


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10. October 2010 - 18:36
#9
weed <3
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Re: Lifeless

i think it would go nice on this if you do this: first step: mark all second step: delete it third step: make new song...but this time with MUSIC ;P

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10. October 2010 - 18:52
#10
OXYGEN
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Re: Lifeless

ahaha, weed, i like your style. and normally i would agree xDDD gg!

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