"This is blasphemy. This is madness!"

"Madness...? THIS IS SPARTAAAAAA!"

This is mother talking to daughter from "Amercian Beauty." If you haven't seen it yet, drop what you are doing right now and find a way to see it.
Carolyn Burnham: Jane. Honey. Are you trying to look unattractive?

Jane Burnham: Yes.

Carolyn Burnham: Well, congratulations. You've succeded admirably.

Woody Harrelson and Antonio Banderas in "Play it to the bone". Sucky movie but there is a line of quotes that are soo funny.

Banderas just tells Woody that he tried beeing homosexual after beeing beaten in a boxing match by a homosexual because he figured he must know something Banderas doesnt. They get into a big argument about beeing gay or not and Woody's comment is one of my favourites

"If a man builds a thousand bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder... they call him a cocksucker. "

blues brothers

Mystery Woman: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.
Jake: No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

airport

There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

annie hall

Alvy Singer: Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

Alvy Singer: There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.