I want to whine a bit about my life, so here goes:

Recently, I am trying to revise my lifestyle (1st class high-school ), try new ways of thinking, go to the gym sometimes (;]) etc. What I am having trouble with is one of my mental characteristics, ie. competitiveness. That's on of the major reasons I don't enjoy swimming in a club (?) lately, as I've done for the last couple of years. On an amateur level, I even won a few plastic medals (;]) But the prospect of losing really pissed me off, I tried to avoid competitions. Winning is cool, but it happens only a few times.

In q3 the thing represents itself a bit differently, meaning that I constantly try to match myself to somebody and try to win. Might seem normal, but I find someone in my own team, and if I'm worse I generally get pissed. I try to match players who have played about the same amount of e+ as me, and when I found somebody who is playing twice as short and is kicking my ass I pounded my keyboard a few times (sorry love ). Sometimes if I lost I tried to make up excuses, eg. "oh he/she has more time to play", "<nick> got lucky this map" etc. It's getting somewhat paranoid and pathetic. I know that lots of people would tell me that games are for fun, and I just get the fun winning, and don't take losing very well. As that doesn't happen too often (;]), it's just a bit sad.

You can find many more examples when this characteristic shows up, eg. school ("math tests just came in, am I gonna be better than my friend" , though this time winning comes just a *bit* more often ;]).

I think that competitiveness can come in handy, and you should be ambitious and try to get even better. What I'm trying to ask is if I'm not doing this the wrong way, measuring myself up to everyone else instead of looking at my own accomplishments (hmm, what's that? xD).

Mrdunt laf @ my tag plz