Just For Jokes

25. January 2012 - 12:05

#41

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Re: Just For Jokes

I was arrested at the airport.
Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.

A woman was driving in her car on a narrow road. She was knitting
at the same time, so she was driving very slowly.
A man came up from behind and he wanted to pass her. He opened the window
and yelled, "Pull over! Pull over!"
The lady yelled back, "No, it's a sweater!"

We do not stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.
Never Be The First To Get Old!!

I am not responsible for what you think or say, just for what I say!
I never howl with the wolves, don't speak another to hear.
I have my own opinion & I insist.
Those who do not get along have only themselves to blame.

...................................

1. February 2012 - 16:05

#42

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Joined: Feb 2010

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Re: Just For Jokes

- What makes you drink alcohol?
- Nothing, I am a volunteer.

2. February 2012 - 9:54

#43

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Joined: Oct 2010

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Re: Just For Jokes

Boyfriend: What is your favorite music group?

Girlfriend: I love U2!

Boyfriend: I love you too, but what is your favorite music group?

We do not stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.
Never Be The First To Get Old!!

I am not responsible for what you think or say, just for what I say!
I never howl with the wolves, don't speak another to hear.
I have my own opinion & I insist.
Those who do not get along have only themselves to blame.

...................................

2. March 2012 - 15:07

#44

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Joined: Feb 2010

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Re: Just For Jokes

- Dad, is it true that social networks screwed brain? - LOL, my daughter, WTF?

2. March 2012 - 15:20

#45

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Joined: Feb 2010

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Re: Just For Jokes

When you poop in your dreams, you poop for real!

2. March 2012 - 21:43

#46

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Joined: Oct 2010

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Re: Just For Jokes

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?"

"No, I am an undercover detective."

"So why are you in uniform?"

"Today is my day off."

We do not stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.
Never Be The First To Get Old!!

I am not responsible for what you think or say, just for what I say!
I never howl with the wolves, don't speak another to hear.
I have my own opinion & I insist.
Those who do not get along have only themselves to blame.

...................................

2. March 2012 - 22:23

#47

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Joined: Oct 2010

Posts:

Re: Just For Jokes

** 50 Rules For Women **

This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to
like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point
blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
29. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us to act like soap opera guys.
31. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how
pretty you are?
32. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it
done-not both.
34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to
complain about having their boobs stared at.
35. Don't make 50 rules when 35 will do.

SORRY girls

We do not stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.
Never Be The First To Get Old!!

I am not responsible for what you think or say, just for what I say!
I never howl with the wolves, don't speak another to hear.
I have my own opinion & I insist.
Those who do not get along have only themselves to blame.

...................................

2. March 2012 - 22:38

#48

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Joined: Oct 2010

Posts:

Re: Just For Jokes

Best part of being a guy!
=========================

Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still
be your friend.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passengers seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without
ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
Same work...more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just
might become lifelong friends.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with. "So, notice
anything different?"
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
At least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on
December 24th, in 45 minutes.

We do not stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.
Never Be The First To Get Old!!

I am not responsible for what you think or say, just for what I say!
I never howl with the wolves, don't speak another to hear.
I have my own opinion & I insist.
Those who do not get along have only themselves to blame.

...................................