George Carlin:

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot,
and anyone going faster than you is a moron.

I have as much authority as the Pope,
I just don't have as many people who believe it.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want.
We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Great responce Keres
Now,what do I look at to stop sneezing

True story.......
One night,many years ago,my wife and I was comming home after
a party. I was ok,I guess,but she was realy messed up ,so I was
Driving. A couple of miles from the house I got pulled over.
The cop came to the window and said "the reason I pulled you over was because you were weaving" At that instant,my wife,drunk, laughed
and said "weaving??? I don't even know how to knit."
For whatever the reason the cop warned me and let me go.
So the story has a happy ending,but those words have echoed in my mind
for all this time. Thought I would share it with you.

AND NOW,,,,,,,ON WITH THE SNICKERS

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer
> I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass
> and think about the workers in the brewery and
> all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink
> this beer, they might be out of work and their
> dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself,
> "It is better that I drink this beer and let their
> dreams come true than be selfish and worry
> about my liver."
> --by Jack Handy
>
> I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When
> they wake up in the morning, that's as good as
> they're going to feel all day.
> --Frank Sinatra
>
> An intelligent man is sometimes forced to
> be drunk to spend time with his fools.
> --Ernest Hemingway
>
> A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even
> have the decency to thank her.
> --W.C. Fields
>
> When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave
> up reading.
> --Henny Youngman
>
> 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
> --Stephen Wright
>
> Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us
> to be happy.
> --Benjamin Franklin
>
> Without question, the greatest invention in the
> history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that
> the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
> wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
> --Dave Barry
>
> Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862! <hahaha>
> Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.

> To some its a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group

Kupo!

Oh,my head...... :pops some aspirin and takes a drink of his coffee.....ahhhhh:
Good morning and welcome to Saturday morning snickers

JACK AND JILL
Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill
Forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two hunks of bread.

LITTLE MISS Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Her clothes all tattered and torn.
It had not been the spider
that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pieman
Going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you idiot!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall
humpty dumpty had a great fall
all the kings horses and all the kings men
had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE,
the cat did a piddle,
all over the bedside clock,
The little dog laughed to see such fun
then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE! PORGY Pudding and Pie
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL, who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead...
And when she was good, she was very very good,
But when she was bad she got a fur coat, jewels,
waterfront condo and a sports car.